


East of Eden

by badboybellamy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vietnam, Destiel - Freeform, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Ill probably change the title later, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Sad Dean, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2018-09-09 22:18:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8915140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badboybellamy/pseuds/badboybellamy
Summary: In December of 1969 Dean Winchester got his draft notice in the mail. He wasn't sure if he should feel scared shitless or relieved that it was him that got the letter and not his best friend Castiel Novak. Dean doesn't understand the politics behind the war. He never cared to learn the why. He never cared to join the war effort. But since he's been drafted he learns it doesn't matter. None of it matters. In the end, he'll just be another foot soldier that was thrust into a country with an M-16 and platoon of kids just like him. All too scared to fight and too young to die. But the worst part, Dean thinks, is the fact that he's not sure what he'll have waiting for him when he returns...if he returns. A best friend? A boyfriend? A little brother? Will he even be himself when he returns home?





	1. Chapter 1

**December 1969**

Dean Winchester is eighteen and a half years old when he finds his draft notice in the pile of bills on the counter. He's eighteen and a half years old and he's just graduated from high school. He's eighteen and a half years old and he dreams of going to college, he dreams of falling in love, he dreams of _living._ He's eighteen and a half years old and his younger brother runs into the kitchen dirty from playing outside. He's eighteen and a half years old when he hides the letter in his coat pocket to protect his kid brother who's smiling up at him like he's the greatest man to grace the face the Earth. He's eighteen and a half years old and he's not sure he's going to make it to be nineteen.

"Hey, Sammy!" Dean said with a wide smile, like he didn't just get drafted into a war he didn't believe in. "What's happening?" He asks as the boy runs into his open arms. He picks his ten year old brother up and spins him around. Sam laughs and Dean wonders if it'll be one of the last times he'll ever hear that laugh.

"I've been playing outside with Gabe but his mama called him in to dinner." Dean nodded and set him back down.

"Alright, buddy. Go ahead and wash up, your dinner's already on the table." Dean said, ruffling Sam's hair as he walked down the small hall and into the bathroom to wash his hands. When Sam left so did Dean's smile. His father was always trying to push him to join the war effort but he didn't believe in the cause. He told his father he had to stick around for Sammy since he was never around. His dad blamed work. Dean blamed God for taking his mother so soon.

Sam's heavy footsteps made Dean turn around and get himself back together. He watched Sam drop heavily into his chair by the table, slumping against the back. Dean didn't want to have to tell him he'd be leaving soon.

He ran a hand through his hair and sat down beside his brother. "Tired?" He asked just as Sammy shoved a forkful of macaroni into his mouth.

Sam nodded vigorously. "Fifth grade is hard." He complained after swallowing.

"Yeah? I think you just tuckered yourself out, kid-o. Why don't you hit the hay after you eat, okay?" He asked with a warm smile, wondering if his dad would cook for Sammy when he's gone.

"Okay." Sam agreed with a child-like careful consideration.

"Eat up and head to bed then. I've gotta go out for a while, get some shopping done before dad gets back. You gonna be okay by yourself?"

"Dean! I'm fine. Go _shopping._ " Sam said like he knew Dean was lying. Maybe he did. Dean didn't make an effort to move. He sat there waiting for Sam to finish eating. He sat there as Sam told him about his day at school. He tried to listen but it all sounded muffled- like static. The sound of the chair screeching as Sam stood up brought him back into focus.

"I'm going to bed now." He said as he put his plate in the sink

Dean stood up and moved to hug his brother. It was a brief hug but Dean held him tightly in his embrace. "G'night, Sammy." He whispered hoarsely in his ear, rubbing his back soothingly. He lets go and pretends it doesn't hurt. "Get to bed."

Sammy smiles at him widely. He's too young to know about the war and the evils of the world. "Night, Dean." He murmurs before darting up the stairs to bed.

Dean feels for the letter in his coat pocket and sighs. He's starting to get angry as he thinks about the draft notice. Dean jerks the fridge open and grabs a bottle of his dad's bourbon. He storms out of the house and grabs the keys to the Impala on the way out. He locks the house up behind him on the way out. He gets in the car and he drives. He doesn't know where he's going but he knows he has to go.

Dean ends up sitting by the lake, drinking out of the bottle. He needed this time to process what's happened. To process the end of his life. That's what Vietnam means, right? The end of his life.

It's nearly dusk when he hears footsteps and someone sits beside him. He doesn't have to look to know who it is. "Dean." There's a pause. "Dean what's going on with you?"

"Here." Dean hands him the letter from his coat pocket. "I'm so incredibly fucked." He says with a shake of his head, letting out a self deprecating laugh.

"Dean..." Castiel starts to talk but he's at a loss for words.

Dean sighs and turns to look at him in the dim light of the sunset. He wants to tell his friend how incredibly pissed off he is. He wants to tell him that he's scared to die. That he can't leave Sammy. That he doesn't think he could bear being so far away from Castiel for so long. He doesn't open his mouth to speak. He just sits there and memorises every minor detail he can of Castiel's face.

Castiel scoots in closer and wraps an arm around Dean's shoulders. He pulls Dean in and allows the boy to put his head on his shoulder. Dean moves into his touch, turning his body towards Castiel, the bottle of whiskey forgotten on the grass. He wants to cry, to kick, and scream that this isn't fair but there isn't a point. Briefly he thinks about jumping the Canadian border but he shoots it down almost immediately. He can't turn his back on his family- on Castiel.

Dean wraps both of his arms around Castiel's neck. He squeezes him tightly as if it's the last time he'll ever see him. Dean leans all of his weight forward, making Cas fall back against the grass. It feels so intimate that it makes tears well in his green eyes. He lays on top of Castiel, holding on to him for dear life as he thinks of all the things he's never told him. He's running out of chances. Panic starts to rise in his chest and his throat feels like it's closing up.

"I'm here." It's Castiel's voice that makes him realize he's weeping into his friend's chest. Castiel will be _here_ in Kansas while Dean is 9,000 miles away in a country he's never been to in order to fight in a war he doesn't give a damn about. "I'm not going anywhere, Dean. I'll still be here when you get back."

Dean sucks in a few ragged breaths before looking up, his chin resting on the soft fabric of Castiel's shirt. There are fresh tears in his eyes and streaks on his face. A million thoughts cross his mind as he stares at Cas's soft boyish face. "I'm scared." Is what he says.

Castiel wants to hug him to his chest and tell him everything will be okay but he knows he can't. He knows that it won't be okay. So he just holds him for as long and as tight as humanly possible. "I know." Castiel says with a rough voice, because he's scared too.

Dean moves his hands to cup Castiel's face. His eyes, hungry, roam over every minute detail. From the blueness of his eyes, to the straight line of his nose, the pink of his lips, the small curve of his eyebrows, the short stubble on his chin. He wants to lean forward and kiss his friend but he doesn't; he just continues to stare.

"When do you ship out?" Cas finally asked.

Dean sighed heavily, the moment shattered by Castiel's soft voice. "Next week." He answered heavily. "Next Thursday." He clarified with a small shake of his head. He didn't want to think about that now, he just wanted to sit there and hold Cas and be held by him. He didn't want to say goodbye. He didn't want to die.

"Oh, God." Castiel whispered, his voice shaking. He didn't think it would be that soon. "Oh, God." He repeated because he couldn't quite _think_ anymore.

Dean stared up at him with wide green eyes, eyes that were desperate to get Cas to understand how he felt about him. To get him to realize how he made Dean feel warm on the inside when he smiled just for him, how he made butterflies erupt in his stomach when he laughed or said Dean's name, how he made Dean want to hold his hand just to feel how soft it would be compared to his own rough working hands, how even though Castiel was a college student and Dean never actually had the money to attend college he never felt dumb in comparison. Castiel always made him feel warm, happy, and like an equal.

"You'll write me?" Dean asks quietly, desperation all over his face. He hadn't meant to but he needed to know that Cas would be with him even if he couldn't exactly be _with_ him.

"Everyday." Castiel promises because everything is just starting to feel real to him. Dean is going to be leaving. He's going to be off fighting a war. He's going to be in danger. He could fucking die. Castiel might never see him again. "I swear to God I'll write you every day."

"Okay." Dean says with a small nod, pressing his forehead against Cas's.

"I'll pray for you too. Every second of every day I'll pray for you to come back to me." Dean doesn't actually believe in God, not after the life he's had, but he knows that Cas is religious and praying will offer him some comfort.

"Thank you." Dean responds, his voice suddenly very soft and comforting.

Castiel wants to laugh and cry at the same time. Dean is about to go off and die in war he doesn't care about and now he was sitting here comforting Castiel's pathetic ass. He wanted to rip his hair out and kick and scream until his vocal chords were destroyed. "I'll miss you." He whispers, voice thin and wispy like it's dissipating in the wind.

"I should go." Dean responds after a brief period of silence, he doesn't make any effort to move.

Castiel nods but doesn't move either. Instead he softly brushed the tear streaks from Dean's still innocently fresh face. Dean wants to close his eyes and cherish the familiar yet foreign feeling of Castiel's fingers on his cheeks but he doesn't. He stares right at Castiel- directly into his blue eyes. He can't help but think there's something _more_ between them by the way those eyes seem to drink him in. "I'm so sorry." Castiel apologized.

Dean didn't know what he was sorry about but when apologies didn't stop coming from those pink lips he had just spend ions memorising he felt like he was going to die right here. Right in this Goddamned moment.

"Don't be." His voice wasn't gruff like he meant for it to come out. No, it sounded as though he was speaking to a child or a girlfriend. It was emotional and full of breaks and he fucking _hated_ his voice. "Don't be sorry."

But Castiel kept shaking his head. "If only..." He began a pained expression on his face.

Dean couldn't help but feel anger bubble in his chest. Dean was angry because someone somewhere put that awful expression on his Castiel's face. That hurt and pained expression that haunted for years after. "If only what? Damnit, Cas!" He exclaimed. Dean was angry. "If only I went to college? If only I went to Canada? If only it wasn't me? If only it was some poor sap who couldn't aim a rifle to save his damned life? If only it were you? No. Cas, no! It has to be me!" Dean was breathing heavy, like he had just run a marathon. But he hadn't even moved from his spot on Castiel's chest. Dean was angry.

But that look. That look was still on Castiel's face- maybe it had intensified. "It has to be me." Dean repeated, whispering softly now. "It has to be me because it can't be you." He raised his hand to cup his friend's cheek but he couldn't bring himself to touch the soft skin. He didn't have to because Castiel leaned into his touch.

The silence was deafening but the way Dean's voice had cracked just a moment ago made him refrain from speaking. It was as if he were entranced by Castiel's gaze as if blinking would break the spell. This could be it, he thought, this could be one of the last times he ever gets to see Castiel.

From the tears he sees welling in Castiel's eyes he knows he's thinking the same thing. There seem to be no words to convey the desperation they are feeling so they don't. There's no point in trying. Neither men can say goodbye.

Castiel can't risk the thought of biding his friend farewell only to have Dean lose all hope and never making it back home. The thought only causes an unbearable amount of pain. He leans forward, pressing his forehead against Dean's and inhaling sharply, breathing in his scent. "Come home to me. For the love of God, Dean, come home." He begs, voice raspy.

Dean took the liberty to rest his forehead against Castiel's, nodding softly. "For you I'll come home." He promised.

Castiel closed his eyes and sharply took in a shaky breath. He still hadn't quite processed everything but that was fine because for right now he had Dean.

"I gotta get back before Sammy wakes up." Dean finally said, trying to find reason even though he felt like he was losing all control of his life.

Castiel nodded and pulled back slightly. "Yeah, I'll uh...I'll drive you home, okay?" Castiel said, trying to collect his composure.

Dean slowly stood up on shaky legs, and held his hand out to his friend. Castiel slid his hand in Deans in a firm grip and allowed Dean to feel as though he was the force that pulled Cas up when in reality Castiel was the one that was steadying Dean.

Dean stepped forward and placed his free hand on one of Castiel's cheeks. "Thank you." He said, his voice was a soft, broken whisper.

He watched in amazement as Castiel's tired eyes blinked tears away before he nodded, slowly and surely. "Thank me when you come home."

Slowly the two pulled away, Dean let his hand linger on Castiel's thin wrist as he made the trek back to his car, walking as sluggish as possible.

Castiel made sure to assist Dean into the car before closing the door. He took a few deep breaths as he walked around to the front seat. Turning the keys in the ignition and the engine starting was the only sound made during the whole car ride. It was silent and tense but not awkward. It was never awkward between Dean and Castiel.

When Cas pulled into the driveway of the Winchester house the lack of lights made it apparent that John wasn't home yet. That he probably wouldn't be coming home tonight. Dean felt his insides twist at the sight. Dean would be gone soon, shipped to basic training and then fucking Vietnam. Would his dad step up then to take care of his youngest son? Would Sammy resent him for leaving?

He lifted his gaze to meet Castiel's sweet blue eyes. Castiel nodded at him as if he knew exactly what Dean was thinking. As if he was promising to step up in Dean's absence. "Thank you." Dean said, voice rough and low.

"Thank me when you come home." Castiel answered, adopting it as his new mantra from now till the end of the war.

Castiel abruptly turned off the car and stepped outside, closing the door. He jogged up the stoop and unlocked the front door. Dean followed lethargically. Castiel nodded his head to the side signaling that Dean should enter first. "Go on up, I'll meet you up there. I'm just gonna lock up down here and get you a glass of water, okay?" He asked, a reassuring hand on Dean's shoulder.

"Okay." Dean whispered without meaning to as he made his way up the stairs. He meant to go straight to his room and sleep off the alcohol and sadness but he didn't. He went to Sam's bedroom and pulled his jacket off. He kicked his shoes off by the bed and crawled onto the small twin sized bed with his little brother. Instinctively Sammy turned into him, sprawling out and throwing one of his legs over Dean to cuddle him.

Dean laid there staring up at the ceiling. He heard Castiel's soft footsteps as he walked past Sam's room and into Dean's own bedroom. He heard the foot steps turning around and getting closer to Sam's door. He heard the door open and close. He heard Castiel wordlessly set the glass of water down before also laying down on the small twin bed meant for one child not two (almost) grown men and a small child. Dean turned his head and let it rest on Castiel's stomach. He reached an arm across the other male so he could hold onto him in his sleep, careful not to jostle Sam too much.

"Oh, Dean." Castiel murmured, comfortingly running his fingers through Dean's hair.

Dean closed his eyes tightly and tried to sleep, he really did. But he felt so restless agonizing over the small time he had left until his departure. Dean did not want to leave Kansas. He did not want to die. He wanted to stay in this bed surrounded by the only people in the world who love him, forever.

Dean didn't want to die. He couldn't. After all, he's just a kid in love.


	2. Christmas, 1969

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel Novak has spent every single Christmas with the Winchester since they were fifteen years old. Why should Dean getting his draft notice change that? Or...does it?

**December 24 1969**

Before his mom died Christmas had been Dean's favorite holiday. He had been ten years old when she passed away after the accident. Sam was only two years old and had no memory of how lovely his mother had been during the holidays. Dean did everything he could to recreate that holiday spirit for his baby brother but with an alcoholic absent father there wasn't much room for Christmas.

Castiel Novak was the reason there was still a Christmas in the Winchester household- or any holiday for that matter. Until Castiel began spending holidays with him, Dean was barely able to scrape enough cash up to muster _something_ up for Christmas dinner and to get Sam at least one present per year. Dean got a job at thirteen as a waiter in a small town diner. Dean still pulls shifts at the diner and works as a full time mechanic.

But having the money didn't mean he had the spirit. Dean was heartbroken after his mother died and hardened from having to care for his brother in his fathers place at such a young age.

Castiel came from an overly (in Dean's opinion) religious family. The Novak family originated from Poland and fled to America after the German Occupation in WWI Castiel's father was a kind Jewish man that married a beautiful Irish Catholic woman and converted to Christianity. Castiel, fortunately took after his mother when it came to his blue eyes and fair skin. He did however inherit his fathers wild dark locks, not that Dean paid that much attention to Castiel's facial features or anything like that.

The Novaks were big on celebrating Christian holidays, something about assimilating into American culture Dean suspected. Dean and Cas became friends in junior high and after the Novaks became privy to the way the Winchester boys were forced to spend Christmas alone they invited the boys into their home. Castiel had been coming to spend Christmas with the Winchester, without his family involved, since they were fifteen years old. It was a tradition to be together at this point. Dean didn't want his draft notice to change that.

In fact, he was planning on making this the best Christmas Sammy has ever experienced. If this was Dean's last Christmas with his family then Sam was gonna damn well remember it. Dean had gotten a 7'0 ft. real tree that him, Sam, and Cas all decorated together with gold garland, tinsel, and his mom's old ornaments.

There were lights hung above the mantel and some various other decorations were scattered around the house. Sammy had moved the coffee table over and hung some mistletoe on the light fixture in the sitting room and Dean pretended he didn't see him do it and buried the fact that he knew why he did it.

There were five presents under the Christmas tree and Castiel had just rang Dean to let him know he was on his way to spend the next two nights with the Winchesters. John had also called Dean to tell him he wouldn't be home for a few days because of "work."

Dean is adding the finishing touches to the house, trying to make it look nice and pretty for when Castiel visits. He hears the front door open as he folds a blanket and hangs it over the back of the couch.

"Honey, I'm home!" He hears Castiel call jokingly as he closes the door behind him. "And I come bearing gifts." Castiel walks inside and sets some grocery bags on the kitchen counter.

"In here!" Dean called, putting the top on a bin of Christmas decorations.

"Hey you." Castiel said sweetly, moving in for a side hug being and giving Dean a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Hey." Dean replied softly, moving slightly into the touch before they awkwardly separated.

"So, I just got back from the store and got everything for dinner tomorrow. I should probably start on dinner since it's-" He paused to look at his watch "-already getting late." He finished with a bright smile, sounding slightly out of breath from all the errands he had been doing all day.

"Woah, there. Take it easy, kid." Dean teased, grinning back. "I already got egg noodles boilin' and Swedish meatballs bakin'." Dean picked up Castiel's wrist and leaned in close to look at the face of the watch. "Should be done in the next two minutes, okay?" He soothed, reluctantly dropping Cas's wrist and leading him back to the kitchen.

Together, the two of them began putting all of the groceries up when Dean noticed another bag off to the side. When Castiel was putting some new spices up in the cupboards he went over to the bag and began opening it.

"Dean!" He heard Castiel yell and jerked his head up in surprise. Castiel was running towards him and quickly snatched the bag off the counter, cradling it in his chest. "You can't look until tomorrow!" He whined. "It's gotta be a surprise."

Dean laughed fondly and nodded. "Whatever, dork." He teased, ruffling Castiel's dark hair. Dean looked down at Castiel and was met with the brightest blue eyes he'd ever seen in his life. In those eyes there was no war, no conflict, no pain...just home. Dean would look upon Castiel and see his home in his eyes, in his smile, in his arms. He's not sure who began leaning forward first but he felt his heart rate increasing when there was little room between his lips and Castiel's.

A loud ring sounded behind both boys, making them jump. "The timer." Castiel muttered lamely, his cheeks pink from embarrassment. Dean cleared his throat.

"I'll get it." Dean said, hastily moving to turn the heat from the stove off and getting oven mits to retrieve the casserole dish of meatballs from the oven. "Sammy!" He called gruffly. "Dinner time!"

As Dean began to get the plates out of the cupboard tiny feet could be heard thumping down the stairs. Dean turned around to set the plates on the table only to see Sam running into the dinning room/kitchen and right into Cas. Dean watched with warm eyes and a soft smile as Castiel picked up his little brother and swung him around.

Castiel laughed as he moved to set the boy down. "Hey, buddy." He said, ruffling Sam's hair. "You excited for Santa?"

"Oh, yeah!" Sam exclaimed excitedly, eyes wide. "This years gonna be real aces, ain't it Dean?"

"Oh it sure is, kid." Dean said absently, his attention was mostly on dishing out their plates and settin' the table. "What can I get you boys to drink?" He asked though he was already getting a Sprite out for Cas. "Moo juice, Sammy?" Dean asked because it was too late for Sam to have caffeine if he was gonna have cookies later.

"Spri-" Cas began to answer only to smile when he looked up to see Dean was already holding out the glass bottle to him. "Thank you, Dean."

The green eyed boy set a glass of milk in front of his little brother before sitting down at the head of the table. To his right sat Castiel and to his left sat Sam. Together they ate their dinner, laughing and chatting about their day. Sam talked about Gabriel, Castiel's young cousin, who came over to give him a picture that he had drawn of them playing together on the swings for a Christmas present. Castiel talked about fighting with a middle aged woman over the last bag of flour that resulted in the manager being called over and another bag of flour having to be produced. Castiel was pretty sure he would have won that fight though because nothing would stop him from making Christmas dinner for the Winchester boys. And Dean, well he just sat there laughing along and teasing the boys. His heart felt like it was soaring from how happy he was.

After they ate and the dishes were done all of the boys found themselves in the kitchen making cookie batter. Or, Castiel was making the batter and the other two were "helping" by eating all the chocolate chips.

But Castiel didn't mind this, not really anyway, because the boys were so happy and this could be their last Christmas together, ever, and he wanted them to enjoy it.

At one point Dean took the spoon that Cas was using to mix the batter and held it up just high enough that it was out of the slightly taller man's reach. The slightly shorter of the two was standing on his tiptoes and stretching his arm up trying to reach the spoon. "Damnit, Dean!" Castiel scolded, but his voice was void of any and all malice. Castiel, having gotten fed up with Dean's bullshit, swirled his finger in the batter and dabbed it onto the tip of Dean's freckled nose. This caused Sammy to double over in hysterical laughter.

"Oh it is so on!" Dean said, taking the batter from the spoon and rubbing it across Castiel's left cheek. Castiel let out a gasp, his face a guise for indignant. As Castiel and Dean wrestled for control over the spoon and mixing bowl the Winchester household was filled with beautiful laughter- something the place had been void of since the death of Mary Winchester.

Dean and Castiel were standing far too close to one another than was socially acceptable for two men their age but not one of them in the room cared. To Sam it was normal for Dean and Cas to be this close...they were always close. Sam wasn't raised by his brother to be cold and hateful. Honestly, it would be weirder to see Dean and Castiel sitting feet apart and acting like men their age "should" act. So, yeah, despite him being only ten years old he supported his brother.

Sam didn't remember what it was like to have a mom but he assumed it would be just like having Cas around only she would be a girl with pretty blonde hair. Cas came over at least four times a week. He would cook dinner for them, do their laundry, clean their house, tuck Sam in, and take care of Sam when his brother was working. When Sam was nine years old he got pneumonia real bad and it broke Dean's heart to not be able to take care of him while he was working so Castiel stayed with them for two and a half weeks to take care of a sick Sam and an exhausted Dean who was pulling double shifts to pay for the medical bills.

Castiel had once read to Sam a children's book about some boy called Peter Pan on an island called Neverland. Sometimes, Sam liked to pretend he was a lost boy and Dean was Peter Pan and Castiel was Wendy Darling because he was obviously "mother." When he told Castiel this he had laughed and ruffled his hair, smiling happily down at the boy in bed and tucked him in. "I like to play pretend, too" Castiel had responded, putting the book back on Sam's shelf.

Dean was hunched over slightly, invading Castiel's personal space while he made a grab for the bowl. Castiel's eyes flicked up and landed on Dean's boyish face. He studied the slight curve of his cupid's bow, the freckles splattered on his face, the slight flush to his cheeks, and the golden flecks in his vividly green eyes. Before he registered what was happening those eyes were studying him with a bit of confusion before softening in understanding. Their faces were centimeters apart- lips almost close enough to touch in a breath taking kiss.

The tension in the room was thick enough to slice with a knife. A large knife. Sam observed the two quietly, patiently waiting for them to return from their own little world they often got lost in. For a moment Sam thought he should look away because it just seemed like the thing to do but he didn't. He had never had a kiss before nor had he ever seen one. He was curious if Dean and Cas would kiss because he thought they were boyfriend and girlfriend, or whatever two boys dating would be called.

Suddenly, as if his brother knew Sam was watching him Dean took a step back and cleared his throat. "Let's uh...let's get these cookies in the oven, shall we?"

* * *

**11:54 p.m.**

That night, after the cookies were done and Sam was asleep the two boys sat on the couch together with a few inches between them. Castiel had one leg bent up and leaning against the back of the sofa while his other leg dangled down, his body turned towards Dean invitingly. Dean had one arm slung over the back of the couch, his fingers barely grazing the thin fabric of Castiel's white cotton undershirt. Castiel was holding on to a glass of eggnog with the tiniest bit of alcohol while Dean was nursing a glass of bourbon- the alcohol that was meant to be in the eggnog.

As the night went on and Christmas Eve was coming to a close the thoughts of Dean's imminent departure weighed heavy on both their minds. After awhile of silence Dean poured himself another glass of the brown liquid and quickly downed it. He let out a rather loud sigh before abruptly standing up. He made his way over to the record player and put on a Lafayettes album.

"Dance with me?" He asked Castiel as the track started to play. Castiel for all his worth was a lightweight. He let out a few giggles, clumsily standing up and reaching out to take a hold of Dean's hand.

**11:57 p.m.**

_Well life's too short, and you're too sweet._

Dean took a hold of Castiel, his hands on his waist. Cas looped his arms lazily around Dean's neck, pressing his body close to his companion as they slowly start to sway along to the music.

_Everyday of your life, child, you've got to spend with me._

Castiel rested his head on Dean's shoulder, nuzzling him softly.

_Now let me tell you 'bout Sally, she's a-really tough. And girl you know about Emmy, she's cool enough._

The music seemed to float around the room, encircling the two men in a falsehood of comfort and safety.

**11:58 p.m.  
**

_Oh, but life's too short to mess around. Don't you give me no stuff, child, and don't you put me down._

Dean rubbed one soothing circles on Castiel's waist with one hand and slid the other up his slender body, carding his fingers through the soft dark locks.

_A-no no, a-no no, a-no no, a-no. I, I keep a-tellin' you, I, I keep a-tellin' you. I, I keep a-tellin' you, aah._

Castiel found his eyes closing as he leaned into the warm body his own would immediately recognize as Dean.

_I, I said I told a-you baby. I said I told-a you all. I said, bah, oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hooooh and you're too wild to pass me by, baby, with just a kiss and a smile._

Dean continued to move their bodies just slight enough that they were still technically dancing and not standing still. Castiel's eyes flickered open and he moved his head back on Dean's shoulder just enough so that he was able too see his face. Dean looked up at the mistletoe that Sam had hung earlier and realized nothing was stopping him from kissing his friend- not in the privacy of his own home.

 _We gotta up and get married, b_ _efore my hair turns gray._ _I need you for real, baby,_ _I've had my time to play._

Before either of them knew what was happening Castiel was lifting his head off the soft fabric of Dean's wife beater while Dean began to tilt his face down. Suddenly, their lips were connected in a long since anticipated kiss. Their lips moved together slowly at first, both just relishing in the new sensation. Dean taste like bourbon and Castiel's mouth tasted like eggnog. The kiss was gentle and shy and everything they had expected it would be since they were fourteen years old. 

The kiss became desperate and rushed, hands hungrily roaming over each others bodies. It was as if almost instantaneously both boys realised how _real_ the war was. How _real_ Dean's draft notice was. How _real_ the possibility of Dean going over to another country to fight a war that wasn't his and possibly taking a bullet or getting blown up and having to get shipped back home in a box only to be laid to rest six feet under.

**12:00 p.m.**

_Now c'mon, a-c'mon, a-c'mon, don't make me so blue. C'mon, c'mon a-hey-hey, a-hey-hey. C'mon, c'mon a-hey-hey, a-hey-hey..._

As the clock struck midnight the boy's lips broke apart and the record ended- static filled the silence. "Merry Christmas, Cas." Was all Dean said, his voice suddenly very hoarse and not very manly at all. He couldn't help but feel like he was drowning in how blue Castiel's eyes were and how the lights off the tree were reflecting on Castiel's pale skin, making him seem almost celestial.

Castiel let out a breathless laugh and nodded, seemingly very amused with Dean's response to their kiss. "Merry Christmas, Dean." He whispered, the sweetest smile gracing his features. If Dean could pick a moment to die, he thinks he'd pick this moment. To die while Castiel was smiling up at him like that, with so much love and admiration, would be the best way to go. Never before had someone looked at him like _that_ before and he suddenly understood what his dad meant when he talked about how he fell in love with Mary because of how warm she was.

"Hey, Cas?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, Dean?"

"Can I have my present now?" He asked with a cheeky smile and a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Castiel wanted to tell him no, tell him to wait until Sam got up but he found himself nodding anyway. His gift was rather intimate anyway so he decided to get it over with now just in case he got upset. he didn't want to cry in front of Sam when he still didn't know that Dean was leaving. Wordlessly, he turned around and took the small box that was in the bag he had set on the coffee table and placed it in Dean's hand.

The tiny box was surrounded by a beautiful gold wrapping paper with a red ribbon tied on top. Dean undid the ribbon and tore the paper off. Beneath the paper was a little black velvet box. When Dean opened the box his eyes shot from the item to meet Castiel's eyes.

"It's a pendant for St. Michael. St. Michael is the archangel that led God's army. He is the patron saint for soldiers and I...I uh..." Castiel rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I was hoping you'd take it with you to protect you and all that." He finished lamely.

Dean looked back down at the pendant and smiled. It was a small circular pendant that at the top read "St. Michael" and at the bottom read "Protect us."

"You probably don't like it. You hate it, don't you? Damnit, I knew you'd hate it. It was pretty dumb of me to get it for a Christmas gift. I'm sorry. I know you don't really believe in all of that _stuff_ but I just..."

"No!" He interrupted. "No, I like it, Cas. Thank you. I mean it, thank you." He said, leaning down to kiss Castiel softly on the forehead.

Castiel sighed with relief and smiled shyly up at him. "I'm glad." He said, sounding relieved.

"Oh!" Dean exclaimed. "I got something for you, too." He turned away from Castiel and made his way over to the tree. He picked up a medium sized box from under the tree and handed it to Castiel. The box was made of blue velvet and incredibly soft to touch.

"Dean-" he said giving him a warning look-"you didn't have to. I didn't even want anything, anyway."

"I know, but I wanted to." He said with a shrug. "Damnit, Cas, would you just open it already?" He urged, sensing Castiel's hesitation.

With a new found determination Castiel took the top off the box and gasped. Inside the box was a collection of albums he's been aching for. He talked to Dean about music a lot but he never thought Dean actually listened to him. "Oh, Dean!" He exclaimed, sitting down on the floor to go through the box.

Dean had picked albums that had his favorite songs on it.

He had picked _Abbey Road_ for the song "Something", and _For LP Fans Only_ by Elvis for "Poor Boy," and _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band  
_ for "Within You Without You," and _Blue Hawaii_ by Elvis for "I Can't Help Falling in Love" and "Island of Love," and...Castiel dropped the last album back in the box and glared up at Dean who was smiling.

"Why?" He demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Aw, don't be mad, baby." Dean said reaching forward to place a hand on Castiel's shoulder to comfort him only to have Castiel jerk back.

"That's not funny, Dean. What made you think I would find this funny?" He asked holding up the album _G.I. Blues._ "That's just...that's just _cruel,_ Dean." Dean began to feel like a jackass when he realized tears were building in Castiel's blue eyes.

Dean sighed before moving forward to collect the other male in his arms. "I'm sorry, Cas. I just...I dunno I wanted to lighten the mood. I didn't think you'd get upset, I'm sorry."

"You didn't think I'd get upset?" He asked, a hard edge to his voice. Castiel was upset. He was sad. He was hurt. He was pissed off...not at Dean though. He could never really be mad at Dean. He hated the United States government for sending his childhood friend, his boyfriend(?) over to Viet-fucking-nam to his death.

"I didn't. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." Sensing Castiel was still mad, he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to Cas's temple. "I'm sorry, baby. I really am." He amended.

Castiel sighed and nodded. "I know...I just...this feels a lot more real now, y'know? You're actually gonna be gone for a whole year. Maybe more!"

Dean smiled a rather tense smile down at him. "Yeah, I know. But, we'll get through it, okay? It's me, you, an' Sammy against the world, yeah?"

"Even the South Vietnamese soldiers?"

"Yeah, even the South Vietnamese gooks." He teased.

Castiel slapped Dean's chest. "Don't call them that!" He scolded, making Dean laugh even more.

"Yeah, I know s'just tryna get a rise outta you s'all." Castiel looked at him and rolled his eyes. He couldn't hide his smile, not even if he wanted to, not when he was so completely gone for Dean it wasn't even funny.

"Whatever. You're forgiven, just don't say it again. Do I make my self clear?"

"Sir, yes, sir." Dean said doing a mock salute.

"You're hopeless." Castiel groaned, grinning up at Dean like a love sick fool.

"You mean hopelessly devoted to you? Because if that's the case then you've caught me red handed." Dean whispered in Castiel's ear, crowding his personal space. His fingers trailed up Castiel's sides and began to tickle the boy, just to piss him off.

The Winchester household was once again filled with laughter because of Castiel Novak. This was a sound that both Winchester boys wouldn't give up for the world. Or at least that's what little Sammy thought as he peeked down into the living room from his hiding spot on the staircase.

Later in the morning when the sun had risen and Sam was out of bed the boys watched with coffee mugs in their hands as Sam opened his presents. He had been gifted a toy Chemistry Set, some Hot Wheels, a Lego set, and a G.I. Joe action figure. Sam had squealed with delight all day as he played with his toys with Castiel watching over him from the kitchen as he cooked Christmas dinner for the Winchester boys.

Dean couldn't help but smile fondly as he watched Castiel laugh to himself and shake his head over Sam's antics. Dean couldn't die over in Vietnam, not when he had people that would be depending on his return. But Dean refused to think about that today because today was (his last?) Christmas and he wanted to spend it with the people he cares about the most. He didn't ship out until January 1st, he could think about dying then. But for now, he's just a kid in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter kinda sucked and was a little rushed because I wanted to post it for Christmas. I hope everyone has happy holidays regardless of what you celebrate. 
> 
> Also, if you see any mistakes let me know I didn't get the chance to read over it. Also sorry for any offense terms in this, or later, chapters. There will be some racist terms because of how the soldiers referred to the South Vietnamese soldiers and I want everyone to know that I as the author mean no offense for those terms. I'm merely telling the story and do NOT agree with such terms nor do I use them. I am not racist and do not condone any forms of racism. 
> 
> The song is called Lifes Too Short by the Lafayettes
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the read and I'd love it if you guys review below. <3


	3. Dear Cas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean reflects on war and how its all and nothing like he expected it to be. Dean gets a chance to write a letter to Cas telling him about the war and his buddies and lots of "i miss yous" are involved.

The first day in the battlefield was exactly and nothing like Dean had expected it to be. He knew it would be bloody and full of bodies and despair.He had read up on Vietnam- knew it was full of plant life and sticky and humid and currently- bloody. But Dean did not expect to go deaf from the constant cacophony of shells being shot off. Dean did not expect to death statistics he read in the paper to be bodies- to be boys his age with lives back home that ceased to exist because they were dragged into the same war that he himself had been dragged into. Dean did not expect the blood to have such a strong stale metallic smell and he certainly wasn't prepared to see it on his own two hands. Dean also didn't expect to enjoy the camaraderie he felt for his fellow soldiers- hadn't expected to make friends.

His squadron leader Lt. Singer had become almost like a father to him within the first few months of being in Vietnam. Dean had saved the Lt. from being shot in the back by taking the bullet in his own shoulder- being the dumb and idealistic young man that he was. Dean had been flown to a hospital in Japan, patched up, and shipped back to his platoon. Bobby had given his quite the earful, patted him on the back and said, "you're an alright kid." Dean had been gifted a purple heart for his troubles and a scar as a reminder. The only positive of being shot was the influx of letters he had been able to send to Castiel.

**_Dear Cas,_ **

**_I want to start this letter off by stating that I am fine. I'll continue by explaining my purpose for writing so soon- I got shot. It was just a bullet to the shoulder and I'm fine. I'm hauled up in a hospital in Japan I've been patched up and I'll be ready to ship back out soon. I wanted to get this letter to you before John got one in the mail from Big Brother._ **

**_We were out in the jungle of south Tra Bong and under heavy fire. Charlie had us pinned down and surrounded. By nightfall we had radioed in backup but to authorize bombings would be a suicide mission. My Lt, great guy Cas you'd really like him, and I were cut off from the rest of the platoon with only a rookie medic and a few clips left between us. After about 12 hours of gunfire there was silence. It was so eerie, Cas. I gotta tell ya man I was so scared I thought I'd crap myself._ **

**_Before either of us knew it Charlie fired on us again, harder and faster than before. I don't even know how I saw it, Cas, but I did. A bullet was aimed right for the helmet on my lieutenant's head and I remember shoving him off to the left- taking the bullet in my right shoulder. It didn't hurt- not at first. I think I was just too shocked to feel it. Mostly, it just bled. Everything happened in slow motion after that. I flew back, holding my shoulder to stop the bleeding. Most of it's a blur after that- except the pain. I can't describe what its like to be shot but hell- it ain't no field day. Anyway, next thing I knew I was surrounded by sexy Japanese nurses._ **

**_I'm okay though. I think I'll get a brief leave maybe back to the states before I have to ship back out. I'm hoping to get back to the states for a little R &R soon, if only just Hawaii. I miss you, man. I miss our life together. I miss Kansas. I miss Sam. Hell, I miss high school and we both know I couldn't even be bothered to show up back then.   _ **

**_I'm fine though, really. I don't want you or Sammy to have to worry about me. If anything it's mostly just hot and uncomfortable here. My buddy Adam, he's that rookie medic I was tellin' you about earlier, and I have fun. We trade C-rations and koolaid packets, and chewing gum, and cigarettes, and pocket knives too. I even made him through a smoke grenade and play chicken a few times. I always win. He's 18 years old, just a year younger than me, and we get on real swell. I think you'd like him a lot.  I hope you get to meet him one day when the wars over. I told him where I keep my dog tags and the address they should be mailed to just in case, but don't worry I'll never let Good Ole Charlie get the best of me. I'm not lonely here either now that I've got Adam. I guess you could say Milligan and I are real close- best of pals even. Set our sleeping bags right next to each other close._ **

**_Truthfully I think I like him so much because he reminds me of Sammy. He's my little brother, y'know? I've been looking out for him in the field. He's the first person I've been afraid to lose out here- other than myself and other than you._ **

**_Well anyways, that's about enough of me. How's college? Learn anything useful while there? And hows Sammy?  Send my love to him, okay? Kiss him real long when you tuck him tonight and tell him its from me. And tell him I'm okay. I don't want him to worry. I don't want you to worry either. I just miss you both so much I can barely take it. I can't wait til I'm back home. I miss you both, real bad. But I'll be home real soon, I promise. So keep counting the days, okay? Count down there and I'll count down here and pretty soon I'll be home. Wait for me._ **

**_Love,_ **

**_Dean_ **

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took forever to write and ended up being so short. Regardless, I hope you enjoy.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure where this story will go or how often I'll update but hopefully you guys like it. Please like, follow, review and let me know what you guys think.


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